six professions I will never have, but once wished I would

1) blimp pilot
2) test taster
3) documentarian
4) arson investigator
5) captain of a deep sea fishing boat
6) wienermobile driver

five idioms that would make great autobiography titles

what's an idiom?

1) to make a long story short
2) son of a gun
3) no room to spin a cat
4) let bygones be
5) like a chicken with its head cut off

five things to beware of

1) dog
2) doug
3) greeks bearing gifts
4) shamwow imitators
5) advice

five new names for my book that hasn't been written

1) no (dust)jacket required
2) because i could
3) this is about you
4) platitudes with attitude
5) clever title

listograph

This is what you shall do; find pride in what and who you are, respect experience, love conservatively but care generously, devour knowledge, communicate, remember truth, recognize lies, know the difference, organize your thoughts, question every answer, hate all kinds of hate and nothing else, take what is offered, give what is asked, smile in your sleep, create, forgive those who ask to be forgiven, forgive those who do not, provide solutions, seek improvements, use information, help, recognize everyone and everything around you, humble yourself before greater things, contrast but never compare, breathe deeply, speak openly, see clearly, and your head shall be heavy and your thoughts will live longer than your life.

five questions I'd like to ask barack

1) who's your speech writer?
2) are we there yet?
3) do you have change for a dollar?
4) nervous?
5) can we?

five interesting words

1) megalomania
2) andiron
3) chautauqua
4) oubliette
5) aglet

twenty-five would be far too many

another response to one of my sister's facebook notes. only shorter.

five records that changed the world as I know (knew) it
alt-title: albums that I will most likely listen to till the day I die

1) jurassic 5 - quality control
2) pietasters - willis
3) daft punk - homework
4) cake - prolonging the magic
5) weezer - blue album

what's sad is there are albums I left off this list because I'm embarrassed by them...

five miserable fake ayn rand titles

1) atlas hugged
3) atlas was drugged
4) chat list unplugged
4) prometheus sighed
5) the found in bed

five more names for that book I haven't written

1) not so long ago
2) misquotes
3) angels in the architecture
4) bookmarks and dog-ears
5) the adventures and mishaps of the curious Mr. Skaggs

twenty five doesn't feel like enough

A response to my sister's facebook note

25 things about me

1) I cannot handle monotony.
2) I have very selective memory. Meaning, it’s not bad memory. There are just less of them. The things I do remember are extremely vivid and detailed.
3) I really don’t like my last name.
4) The books that are on my floor, or next to my bed, or stuffed inside a backpack say more about me than the books that are on my shelf.
5) No matter how hard I try, I will never understand religion.
6) I find comfort in clutter.
7) I’m afraid of broken bones.
8) I have mixed emotions about being passed by other cars while driving.
9) When I was three, I was told what the word “architect” meant. From that day onward, I wanted to be one. I’m not exactly sure when, why, or if I ever changed my mind. But I’m not one yet.
10) I lean towards optimism 93% of the time.
11) I once got arrested and spent a weekend in jail.
12) The only times when I am simultaneously frustrated and happy are when I am writing, creating, or envisioning.
13) I wish my life were more like a music video.
14) I have two tattoos. And I intend to get at least one more.
15) I name everything.
16) What frustrates me the most in life is forgetting a great idea. It has become a life-long research project for me to find a custom, convenient way to take notes.
17) I value intelligence and maturity.
18) I cannot recall a day on which I have ever felt clear headed.
19) There are two dents on my forehead from two out of the three times I cracked it open during childhood. I can’t remember one of them.
20) I’m a bit of a hypochondriac.
21) I talk to myself, more than I even notice. It’s like second nature. A habit. I have a feeling it will get worse with age.
22) I hate cleaning bathrooms.
23) At some point in my life, I will write a book. More than likely, it will be a book about me. I’m kind of already embarrassed about how vain that is, but know I’ll write it anyway.
24) I sort of like the smell of asparagus pee.
25) My life wouldn’t be the same without lists.

now you.

five of my least favorite questions

1) where are you?
2) what's/who's your favorite book/author?
3) what kind of music do you listen to?
4) where are you from?
5) why?

five things for which there are appropriate times

1) stereotypes
2) bragging
3) raw meat
4) secrets
5) resignation

recent additions to my bookmarks

1) 911 writer's block
2) list of unusual deaths
3) bicycle maintenance
4) david shrigley
5) language is a virus
6) penny alcohol stove
7) good grief
8) bacon vodka. vodka bacon?
9) legit cig lit
10) dance of convenience
11) photo wall calendar
12) best movies you didn't see in 2008
13) hijinks ensue
14) mystery team

five resolutions

1) a written motion adopted by a deliberative body
2) the replacement of one longum with two brevia
3) the point in a literary work at which the chief dramatic complication is worked out
4) be proud of who I am. A young privileged Hokie American poor law student hopeful.
5) learn a new language