five more things that annoy me the most

1) silent rooms where the smack-gnash-chew of someone grinding ferociously at a piece of gum can be heard directly behind me
2) standardized tests
3) bodily functions
4) karma
5) political . debates

The most profound things that have gone through my head in the last week

1.) "Even flushing the toilet has pros and cons."
2.) "If you throw enough wet spaghetti on a wall, some of it will stick."
3.) "Sometimes I feel that I'm the most fucked up when I'm not, actually, fucked up."
4.) "One day you'll wake up and realize that there are more days behind you than ahead of you, and you'll decide one of two things: keep looking ahead or start looking behind. And I can't decide which one would be better."
5.) "It's only a body."

five more rock solid truths

1.) there are two versions of every song: the one sung, and the one spoken sarcastically, smugly, and irrelevantly in normal conversation
2.) time is the leading cause of depression
3.) a loud and friendly fart will ruin every argument immediately
4.) legal terms all sound like sophisticated sexual innuendo
5.) rocks are solid objects.

five euphemisms

for barf:
1.) laugh lung butter
2.) technicolor yodel
3.) call for huey
4.) burping bits
5.) go to europe with ralph and earl in a buick

for diarrhea
1.) liquidated assets
2.) brewing hot chocolate
3.) Drippidy Doo Da
4.) pour some coffee
5.) tomatoes are evil