five things that are better remembered than they actually were

1) that thing you went to drunk
2) fast food meals
3) sitcoms
4) ex-girlfriends
5) anecdotes

i wish

(with a seinfeld flare)

1.) i wish all of my embarrassing situations and awkward silences were punctuated with a palliative laugh track
2.) i wish scenes in my life were separated by snippets of solo bass guitar riffs and a sample of percussion, pops, and clicks
3.) i wish everyone wore a lot more wrinkle-free Gap and L.L. Bean and J Crew
4.) i wish my friends made up elitist ironic words, laughed at them hysterically, and then used them over and over again until they became tired and irksome
5.) i wish my days could end with credits and a guy telling chuckle-worthy jokes