five depressing things

1.) that stain on your favorite shirt that you didn't notice until you wore it to that bar on Saturday night
2.) bank statements
3.) the movie Kids
4.) high school faculty
5.) depressants

five more rock solid truths

1.) there are two versions of every song: the one sung, and the one spoken sarcastically, smugly, and irrelevantly in normal conversation
2.) time is the leading cause of depression
3.) a loud and friendly fart will ruin every argument immediately
4.) legal terms all sound like sophisticated sexual innuendo
5.) rocks are solid objects.