irritatingly punny

five businesses to start with a name and go from there

1) CupKate's: bakery for someone named kate

2) Pizza This: italian restaraunt (slogan- "you wanna pizza me" featuring a britney spears look-a-like biting into a delicious pizza) "fun for the whole dysfunctional family"

3) Guilt-Tea: tea shop and sex boutique

4) Startrucks: truck-stop coffee shop where poetic elitist truckers go to be seen and spend ridiculous amounts of time reading thick novels and updating their twitter

5) Books-a-Trillion: one-up two-up

five ironic futures that will never happen

1) Ron Paul becomes the first President to ever win an election as a "write-in candidate"
2) Google becomes its own nation, builds an army of ridiculous robots, and takes over the world by force while repeatedly screaming "I'm feeling lucky!"
3) Scientists discover that marijuana is the cure for cancer, HIV, diabetes, and hangovers, but put off telling the world until after finishing an episode of Family Guy
4) Bill Gates de-invents the internet just to show everyone that he can
5) Britney Spears gets the last laugh