five things to beware of

1) dog
2) doug
3) greeks bearing gifts
4) shamwow imitators
5) advice

irritatingly punny

five businesses to start with a name and go from there

1) CupKate's: bakery for someone named kate

2) Pizza This: italian restaraunt (slogan- "you wanna pizza me" featuring a britney spears look-a-like biting into a delicious pizza) "fun for the whole dysfunctional family"

3) Guilt-Tea: tea shop and sex boutique

4) Startrucks: truck-stop coffee shop where poetic elitist truckers go to be seen and spend ridiculous amounts of time reading thick novels and updating their twitter

5) Books-a-Trillion: one-up two-up

five things that have been given a bad rap

whether they deserved it or not

1) tobacco
2) tomatoes
3) puns
4) hipsters
5) poets

(i feel bad for hipsters who use lots of puns in their poetry and read them aloud while smoking cigarettes. and tomatoes)

Twofer Hump Day

five things that are not funny but want to be
1.) talk show interviews
2.) that guy in your class
3.) two and a half men
4.) geico commercials
5.) drunk people

five things that are funny but we wish weren't
1.) drunk people
2.) stephen colbert
3.) racist jokes
4.) puns
5.) your face