five voices that floor me

1.) James Earl Jones (of course!) wait for 'S'
2.) Morgan Freeman Just listen to the "dolphin"
3.) Zach Condon
4.) Christopher Walken
5.) Jimmy . Stewart

Five more rock solid, solid as a rock, rock-on, rolling rock, knock on rock, solidified, truthy truths

1.) Anything can sound profound if you parallel the subject with its opposite: "what goes up, must come down;" "one man's treasure is another man's trash;" "if it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger;" "mo' money, mo' problems."
2.) Yelling "GO! GO! GO! GO GO!" while pumping a fist in the air can get someone to do anything.
3.) "That's not change. That's more of the same thing."
4.) A deaf president would make a great president. More hand gestures. Less liability.
5.) The fifth in the list is always supposed to be a "kicker."

The most profound things that have gone through my head in the last week

1.) "Even flushing the toilet has pros and cons."
2.) "If you throw enough wet spaghetti on a wall, some of it will stick."
3.) "Sometimes I feel that I'm the most fucked up when I'm not, actually, fucked up."
4.) "One day you'll wake up and realize that there are more days behind you than ahead of you, and you'll decide one of two things: keep looking ahead or start looking behind. And I can't decide which one would be better."
5.) "It's only a body."

five things that make me feel silly

1.) tequila
2.) the word "winningest"
3.) tucked-in tee-shirts
4.) disco music
5.) patriotism

five acquired tastes

1.) black coffee
2.) sleepy lyrics coupled with lazy beats
3.) pleated pants
4.) cocktails made with three ingredients or less
5.) the work of Tim Burton

To Do

1.) figure out why two jobs that suck are not better than one that is tolerable
2.) buy more khakis
3.) find a pair of sunglasses that fit my awkward shaped face and don't make me look like either a bug or a cyborg sent to protect John Connor
4.) read that book that was leant to me and has been sitting quietly on the floor beside my bed for three months.
5.) write something other than another damned list

five things I don't realize I'm doing until it's too late

1.) feeling smug
2.) ogling
3.) insulting someone's intelligence
4.) drinking too much
5.) procrastinating

five fake things I wish were real

1.) The Olympics
2.) Jurassic Park
3.) any one of these
4.) these, too
5.) US Diplomacy

five things I don't like very much

1.) people who pretend to talk on cell phones when walking alone in public
2.) black lights
3.) t-shirts that are stretched out around the neck
4.) picky eaters
5.) dirty jokes

five creative blog titles I'll never use

1.) black and blue and read all over
2.) bucket list
3.) comma chameleon
4.) status quote
5.) check this shit out

yet yet again again with with the the twofer

five things that I like to be
1.) asleep
2.) entertained
3.) proud
4.) this tall to ride
5.) right

five things I don't like to be
1.) awake
2.) itchy
3.) third
4.) late
5.) right


By the way, this is my favorite website right now

ten things I have done since my last post

It's been a while.

1.) had a birthday
2.) scaled a mountain
3.) learned something new
4.) gotten a second job
5.) come up with a new emoticon for sanguine [:<≠>
6.) gotten mad at myself for not doing something more often
7.) ate raw oysters
8.) gotten two haircuts
9.) started eating meat again
10.) laughed at someone

Twofer Hump Day

five things that are not funny but want to be
1.) talk show interviews
2.) that guy in your class
3.) two and a half men
4.) geico commercials
5.) drunk people

five things that are funny but we wish weren't
1.) drunk people
2.) stephen colbert
3.) racist jokes
4.) puns
5.) your face

under-appreciated/underestimated

1.) internet comics
2.) yogurt
3.) the . dodos
4.) tim robbins
5.) things that look like other things

five more rock solid truths

1.) there are two versions of every song: the one sung, and the one spoken sarcastically, smugly, and irrelevantly in normal conversation
2.) time is the leading cause of depression
3.) a loud and friendly fart will ruin every argument immediately
4.) legal terms all sound like sophisticated sexual innuendo
5.) rocks are solid objects.